Someone save me from this miseries.People enjoying while their days are getting nearer to freedom.

Im supposed to be one of them,yet now when the day shines,im just afraid to hear that they actually called.And the results will be out,ok i know what is gonna be like and thats the reason why im worried. If i know there will be chance,i wouldnt be worrying.Yes,im now so called 'Enjoying' myself..Appear to be like when im not inside.Deep deep inside im sick worried,How i wish i could disappear and vanish into thin air for a period until everything is over?But i cant..I beared grudges against my sister who called,i beared grudges against my father mother for supporting her..Yes,i know afterall they are my own parents..But if you were me,when youre in my circumstances,you will know.How many times they lied and compared you since you were small,you kept to yourself all along until you cant tolerate and you turn to a wrong way.Now i may seem pushing all my blames to them,but im not.I know partly im in fault,of cause im..Cause im the one who chosed this path..But,they just didnt think of how i feel.I kept quiet,quiet and quiet..Just like the volcano..Keep and keep and keep until it errupts..I have already long ago on the verge of errupting since they did the first time..But i told myself its alright,i can tolerate more,since they are my family..And then after all the rains and thunders i camee..Im left with 6 months,now what?They did it again and wasted all my efforts..On studies,on reportings,on trying my best to stop everything,and on not losing my that lil tiny hope left for them..They ruined it with their own hands.Once i think back what exactly happened,hahahahahahaha..Its so...Cant be described..Just a word,PHOBIA.People entered their homes with the most relaxing mood and happy laughters..Me?I entered my home with a hopeless mood,behind my fake smiles and laughters is the horror..My own home to me is like a Haunted house..Worst than that..Any minute,i could quarrel with them for nothing..Any minute,the same thing gonna happen again for nothing..Any minute,they will lie to me just to get me back in..Seriously,i dont want to run,i dont want to go in either..So the only way,im still thinking.Its so silly,but i seriously cannot take it anymore.People who knows me well,should know that i have the courage to face problems when there's chance..And people who dont know,might just think that im silly and foolish,cause it aint worth for the exchange of not running and going in..I dont really care how people thinks anymore,now its me carrying all these shit on me..So its me to decide wheather to just leave it there or leave it there and disappear forever so the same history wont repeat again..Who knows even if i ran or went in,and then everything's over..Same history gonna happen at the same place..This haunted house,my so called ..Home.Its the sunrise again.I hope tsunami comes and sweep all the policedivisions away,Hurricane to swirl those reports,results and cases up,Lightning for shock them and forget every single thing bout me..Its impossible..Just like how my chances for the case this time round..Its,-1 % over a thousand.Its much more over the limit,i cant take it frankly speaking.Yes,some of them were right,if i know i couldnt complete the sentence well then just make the decision now before i regret wasting time down there and then go away from it again,its a waste of my precious time.Its a waste..I only know,i miss those school days with my schoolmates..I miss them so much,i miss my teachers,i miss my school):Its like now the safest place for me to go so i wont get into troubles..Just cause i get suspended,i got all these bullshits.Its a fucking waste for trying so hard catching up with my work..Its a waste for those efforts stopping my nonsense,Its a waste for have hopes on them..Its a waste of my this years running so hard towards my freedom even when im dehydrating anytime,i didnt stop..Its all a waste..I know it will be over one day,but to me it will just not.It might end but it will happen again.The only way to end everything is to do what im thinking..But..Its like abit..I dont know!This stress and all my others i kept down there,they are mixing together,they are forming that volcano in me,nope..They already formed one that has corrupted...But the only person who will be lying there dead,is me..Myself.If my heartbeat stop,i could feel nothing..Numb my feelings,blind me,make my mind empty and fill my ears with silence no matter how noisy it would be around me..Teleport me somewhere that i will be happy,at least just for a few years..Just for a few..I have no where,no one to tell all my things to.Now im immuned to that..But everyone still has their limit..And i stood there long enough for me to at least take my long fuck break already i guess??The reasons for continue standing went missing,and i couldnt find anyone of them anymore..And i guess,it wont be appearing..Even if it does,its gonna go missing again..Everywhere with internal injuries..Family,Friends,Money and myself..All these and alot more that i have to still worry about,wouldnt get into my head anymore..My system couldnt get all these in anymore..Really.....I think i will suffer more than dying with all these.Cant bring myself up anymore.